Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
