they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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