im having a threesome with these popsicles
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
