Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize