I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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