so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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