All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize