Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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