Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
