I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Moan for me like Helen Keller
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Just high enough for therapy.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
