Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
