We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
