You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize