Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
