I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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