There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
