I love black thongs
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
