I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
