Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize