Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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