i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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