Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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