last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
a search helicopter?!
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
