dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize
