Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Randomize
