I'm lost and stupid without you.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
