i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
