the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
