loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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