I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
