So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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