his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
