i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
