Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
