it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
