how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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