I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
