i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Randomize
