Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Randomize
