Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
