it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
