I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
