Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
