Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
