tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
