I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Randomize
