I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Randomize
