drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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