He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
