You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
