Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
