ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
