i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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