wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I enjoy the company of your penis
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
