This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
