For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
