So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
