You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
