You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
