That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I would fuck him just for his dog
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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