So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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