I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
