my shit smells like andre
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
