Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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